Things your Labrador would never say

#2 "Would you like me to move over and make space for you?"

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Lab Tested Serialisation – Episode 10

 Family Guy From the top of the staircase I can hear Wilfred laughing; it’s infectious, of course, as is any child’s laughter, but just how his mirth arouses suspicion in me is that it is the kind of giggle most parents refer to as wicked laughter. He’s up to something, no doubt… Slowly, I creep...

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Lab Tested Serialisation – Episode 9

Smile Creator A stream of sodden, mud-splattered faces file past me, each one racked in painful concentration. Below their strained expressions hang tired limbs, a tangled web of arms and legs scrambling for purchase on the rough-hewn tracks leading to the summit of Mt Snowdon. Unsurprisingly, the tip of this famous isosceles peak is shrouded...

Lab Tested Serialisation – Episode 8

Outdoor Hirsutes Luckily, as discussed in Canine Cargo, Dudley is well used to travelling on the road now. However, today a pitiful sight awaits me as I glance in the rear-view mirror of the car I am driving. Dudley, face paralysed by a mixed expression of fear and frustration, is cowering in the corner behind...

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Lab Tested Serialisation – Episode 7

House of Pain In a clear violation of ‘house rules’, Dudley is on our bed this morning. It is a Saturday, and in common with all our weekend starts, Anna and I are nested below a winter duvet with biscuits and mugs of hot tea to hand. Our chocolate brown tearaway, bored by our inactivity,...

Lab Tested Serialisation – Episode 6

Chaos Theory The fact that Dudley has disappeared should worry me, but doesn’t especially – he never strays far from home and is well known about the neighbourhood anyway. What concerns me more as I begin my search for him is an open doorway to a house opposite ours, a house belonging to a kindly...

Lab Tested Serialisation – Episode 5

Young at Heart A pair of old jeans shakes violently this way and that releasing pungent notes of canine cologne. In our house, this can only mean one thing – the start of the Dudley show. A nightly event with elaborate props and outlandish costumes, this is an ordeal not to be missed – although...

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